He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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