you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
