yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
