At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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