This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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