If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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