maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
