we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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