yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
