So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
