Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
