Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
