Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
