saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
