Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
