I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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