it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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