So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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