I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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