ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
