I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
