I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
