ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
