I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize