hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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