can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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