Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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