he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
