Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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