Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
