I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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