I'm pants shitting drunk right now
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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