This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
