i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
