Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize