i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
