I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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