Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
