I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
