So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
