Need sex. Gaining weight.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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