Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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