I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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