i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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