She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
