Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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