You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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