He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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