Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
