Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
