we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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