ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
