i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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