Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize