You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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