She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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