There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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