I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
