Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
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