if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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