Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
