i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
