i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
