I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
jump out the window naked night went bad
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