if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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