I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
