I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
