my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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